I've been MIA

I haven't posted since March and now it is May.  Yes, I have been MIA.  Why?  Because I quit.  I did.  I stopped trying to lose weight and starting eating like I didn't care (and didn't).  Why did I quit?  Because I was too stressed to add weight loss to the mix.  Things at work were terrible.  The school I work at is closing, and we are moving to a middle school a few blocks away changing to a K-8 school.  As a media specialist, I didn't know if they would have 2 media specialists or not.  There was a lot of chaos, to the point I even went and got a new education endorsement in music k-12.  I have finally gotten the news that I will be at the middle school, the other media specialist will be moved to a new school, and I will be k-8.  I also found out that I will not have to teach so many classes and will get to be in the media (and not stuck in a computer lab).  It was great news, so my stress is back to a manageable level.  The bad news is I am a stress eater, and have climbed back to 199 after being at 193.  So, I've got some work to do to get back to where I was.  I'm on day 1 of getting back on track.  I think this time around I need to get into my mind that I really will not lose any weight unless I add activity, i.e. exercise.  I can't do that until June.  I know this about myself.  When I am out of school, I can do it.  Right now I am choosing not to spend my time doing it.  Yes, I could make the time, but for now, I am choosing to spend it with the boys and when I have more free time in the summer with not being in school, then I'll do it.  So, for now, I am really focusing on eating more healthy.  I want to "feel" better.  Of course I want to look better, but I really want to feel better, and I do feel better when I eat healthier.

I'm baaaack!

Yes!  I've found my motivation.  You know what it was - no more PMS.  I swear, I should be the poster child for PMS.  Not only do I get all the physical symptoms, but obviously (from my last post) I get the emotional too.  The good news is I am feeling better about things, and the most important is I've lost all the extra weight and then some!  And then today I weighed again, and lost more.  When I stepped on the scale I was so excited!!  I have reached my first goal, to lose 10 pounds!!  WooHoo!!!!!   I did it!!  I actually did it!  Yes, it did take me almost 3 months, but I did it!  Even if I keep this rate up for the rest of the year, I will be down 40 pounds by Christmas!  So, for now, I am proud of myself and feeling pretty damn good!  However, now I need to set another goal.  This one I think I will have a little bigger.  My new goal is to get to 175 (which is18 pounds).  If I can get to 175, I will be back to my high school weight.  What is sad, is I used to think I was huge in high school, and now I would love to be back at that weight.  But hey, if I can get to my high school wieght before my 20 year reunion (which is later this year) I am going to be so excited!!  Plus, I have a cruise in November that I would like to be smaller for too.  Maybe with these 2 events coming up, I can stay motivated.  But for today...

Yea for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've lost my motivation

Yep.  Gone.  Totally gone.  I've been bad.  I'm snacking, eating high calorie foods, and not even trying to be more active.  I've gained weight instead of losing (no duh after what I've been eating!!), and I am at a loss on how to get that motivation back.  I started losing my motivation last week, but tried to hold on.  Then came the weekend.  I swear, I am always bad on the weekend.  I have no self control.  Anyway, it was William's birthday party.  I worked my butt off in the morning cleaning the house, which I thought would counter act some of the bad food I was going to eat (pizza, pasta salad, cake and ice cream).  Then, I just stopped caring.  I haven't logged in my food intake into myfitnesspal for several days and even ate ice cream the last 2 nights.  I can blame some of this on my period.  My cravings and just general appetite increase during my period.  I also get bad PMS, so I am hoping that that is another reason why I don't care.  I want to care!  I need to care!  But, I just don't right now.  I was very motivated in Jan, and now I'm not.  Not even close!  I tried to get inspired by reading weight loss success stories and watching the biggest loser.  However, nothing is getting me to want to do anything.  I am turning into that fat, lazy person I've always been.  I hate this!

Got my fitbit!

YEA!  I've had my fitbit since Friday, and I am loving it.  Of course, I almost broke the thing.  Yes, I am one of those people that dropped the fitbit in the toilet!  Ewwww!  I had it on the belt clip, and when I was going to go to the bathroom, the thing popped off my pants and right into the toilet.  Thank goodness it was clean water (though - still gross - toilet water).  I immediately dried it off and put it in a glass with some rice.  It still works, still syncs, so I guess I am ok, but in the back of my mind I still think it is covered in germs even though I did clean it off with a clorox wipe.  The thing is a good thing to have.  It has encouraged me to get moving more.  It will be interesting to see how active I am this week at work.

On an eating side, I again blew it over the weekend.  I totally went off my diet Friday night, Saturday, and part of Sunday.  I was just tired of not eating what I wanted and my parents were having the boys spend the night with them.  That left just my husband and I and we ate chinese, pizza, cheesecake, and all kinds of other stuff.  The good news is I have lost the 2 pounds I gained and will try not to do that again.  So, hopefully I can get back on the wagon and have a good week.

Sloooooooow

I had a pretty good week only to blow it over the weekend once again.  However, I did go down a bit from last week, so I guess that is better than going up.  I've decided to try to lower my calorie intake and up my exercise since my exercise has basically been non-exsistant.  I've only done my exercise DVD once.  I just can't seem to motivate myself to do it.  One step I have taken to try to get moving more is get a fitbit.  I haven't actually gotten it yet, but it should be coming in the mail sometime this week.  I wore my husbands 1 day when he forgot to take it to work.  I ended up walking 3 miles at work, which I was pretty impressed with.  I am looking forward to see if I do about 3 miles everyday, or if it was just a busy day that day.  So, for now, I will try to keep going even though I am not really wanting to stay on this diet.

The Weekends are Hard

Boy are the weekends tough.  If I blow it, it is always the weekend.  How can I be perfectly content to not snack and just eat my minimal lunch I bring to work during the week, when on the weekend all I want to do is eat?  I tell you why- I'm bored.  Well, not bored really, but I'm not as busy as when I am at school.  Plus, I don't have any food around at school.  If we do have food at school, I can usually resist.  I was proud of myself that I did skip the cake that was there last week.  So, how do I get myself to get through the weekend without gaining weight and going over my calories?  Who the hell knows!!!!  I sure wish I could answer that question.  I did have a pretty good week this week.  When I weighed for our FACT club at school, I was done a pound and a half - which was great because I had been the same weight 3 weeks in a row.  I'm currently in 2nd place in the weight loss contest (which shows how awful we have all been doing).  I really hope I can get past this weekend and have another good week.  I have to tell you though, I am getting tired of trying to be good and the guilt I feel when I'm not.  It is very exhausting!  I want to do well, but sometimes my emotions get the best of me and I eat.  I've been craving bad things that I would have eaten before.  Foods like - McDonalds and just sweets in general. 

Goal for this week:  Not to go nuts on Valentine's Day.  As a teacher, I always get candy from students - and eat it!  I have to say that it is a weakness for me.  So, my goal is to skip the candy this Valentine's Day!

Doing better

I'm feeling a little better about things.  I have gotten back into healthy eating that last few days and have lost a little weight.  I'm actually down from last week, even considering during the week I gained.  So, I've lost what I had gained during the week and a little more.  I need to stay on this path.  It is a good place to be.

What am I really struggling with now?  My period. As gross as that is, it is something that effects me every month.  My eating habits change, I crave bad things (like sweets and chocolate), I'm tired, and I bloat.  Not only do I get effects physically, I also suffer from terrible PMS.  So, here I am.  I'm tired, cranky, and craving chocolate!  GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!  hehehe  I hope I can control my eating this week and don't kill anyone!  (J/K)

Failing at this

I started out so well.  I was doing great, and then the stress level at work went up 10 fold which means stress eating for me.  What doesn't make any sense is I know this about me, however, I still end up saying, "Oh forget it. I'll eat ***."  It is not a good way to go. I'm up almost 2 pounds and really need to get myself under control.  Not only am I not losing weight, but I'm gaining back the few that I did lose.  So, I need a plan of attack for this week and I don't know where to start.  I guess I will try no more snacking between meals, other than maybe low fat yogurt or fruit.  Something healthy, anyway.  So, hopefully I can get back into this and stop hating myself for failing.

I have fallen off the wagon!

Yep, I've done it.  I've fallen off the wagon.  I've gained back 2 pounds!!  Ugh!  However, yesterday and today I've tried to hop back on.  I'm mad at myself for my poor choices lately, but also proud that I haven't quit and have tried to get back into healthy choices.  I even started my exercise DVD today.  Oh my, um, can we say OLD AND FAT AND OUT OF SHAPE!!  Wow, have I been living in denial!!  I've got to keep up the exercise.  I think it really will make me a better mom.  Maybe I can keep up with a 4 year old and a 2 year old if I get back into shape.  I have a weigh in at school tomorrow, so we'll see if the last 2 good days can counter act the 4 days of badness.  Crossing fingers!!

P.S.
Man, I'm already sore!  ;-)

The weight is coming off - slowly

I hit 8 pounds lost today.  It is great!  I know it is a drop in the bucket of what I need to lose, but I am happy that I have lost 8 and not continued to gain.  Would I like it to come off faster?  Absolutely!  So, I need to add exercise.  I bought a new exercise DVD and haven't opened it yet.  Yes, I have an excuse.  I've been sick.  I started getting sick on Monday, stayed home from work Wednesday, and still have this junk today (Saturday).  I am feeling a bit better, but now it is settled in the chest and I am coughing.  It is really hard to exercise when you are coughing.  Not to mention, the lack of energy when I am sick.  So, my plan is to start the DVD once I start feeling better.  I think adding the exercise will not only help me to burn more calories, but will also give me an outlet for the tremendous amount of stress I have been feeling lately.

I have a confession to make, however.  Yesterday, I ate a doughnut at work.  Yes, I caved to emotional eating - and a lack of self control.  I have to say that the glazed doughnut I ate was maybe the best I've ever eaten! hehehe  I think I may have been able to avoid any other food than that.  Doughnuts are my favorite food.  I have to keep in mind, there will be days I slip.  There will be days that I do fantastic.  I can't let the days I slip keep me from the ultimate goal of being healthy.  Even skinny girls eat doughnuts every once in a while, right?  As long as I only eat 1 and not very often, it should be ok.  It does sound like I am rationalizing, but at the same time, I want to change my lifestyle.  And, for my lifestyle, I don't want to give up my favorite food.  So, for now, I move on, don't think too much about 1 stinking doughnut, and keep going.  Hopefully I will be feeling well enough to try my new "Biggest Loser" DVD.

Not gaining and not losing

Here I am.  I'm doing very well with my eating and making better choices, however, I have not lost anything.  I think it is because it is my lady's time of the month.  I always gain water weight and my appetite changes.  Yesterday was good, but this evening, I am ready to eat anything and everything you could put in front of me.  I'm going to try really hard to stay the course, but that is very hard when you have hormones working against you.  Let's see how I do finishing out the week!

I'm proud of myself

I have done so well the last couple of days that I am feeling pretty proud of myself.  I haven't snacked poorly, I didn't eat any of the cake at school, and have made some good food choices.  Now the scary part - the weekend.  I always do worse at eating when I am home with full access to the fridge and pantry.  This is where my lack of self control comes in full force.  I really hope I can keep up over the weekend.  Next week we are starting the FACT club at school.  $20 to get in and then $1 a week for each week you gain.  I really want to get that money!  I was in the fact club 2 years ago and came in 2nd place.  I got $78!  It was cool!  I could really use the money, so it is GAME ON!!  First weigh in is next Friday.  Part of me wants to lay off the diet to start at a higher weight, but there is no way I am going to put back the 5 pounds I've worked on getting off.

Did better at dinner

After kinda blowing it at lunch, the only thing I ate for dinner was a bowl of multi grain cheerios.  The good news is I didn't snack after dinner.  That is my major issue - SNACKING!  It is my downfall.  So, not snacking after dinner is a big accomplishment for me.  And the good news, is I have already lost 3.5 pounds!  I didn't think I was doing good enough in 2 days to lose 3.5 pounds, but hey, I'll take it.  Now, if I can just lose 0.2 pounds today, that would take me back out of the 200s!  I go back to work today.  My job is terrible for having food in the teacher's lounge.  We celebrate birthdays and there is a cake and junk food for everyone.  I have a feeling there might be cake there today or tomorrow.  I WILL NOT EAT ANY OF IT!  I WILL NOT LET MYSELF DO IT!  The only thing I will eat at school will be my lunch and nothing more.

Ok, so I kinda blew it at lunch

So much for getting on the band wagon.  I totally blew it at lunch.  I took the boys to the Children's Museum (which ended up being closed), so to Target we went.  When we were done at Target, the boys asked if they could have pizza and a carpet picnic.  How could I say no on the last day of Christmas vacation?  So, we all got pizza.  Ugh!  Bad choice.  So, I should have gotten a salad, but I had no idea how bad the salads were too.  Well, ok, I'm kidding myself.  They would have been better than pizza.  So, I need to do better for dinner.  Planning on a salad and that's it.  This is gonna be tough.  The first day and I already missed the target.  Grrr.

Wondering what F.A.C.T. stands for?

Fat
Ass
Chunky
Teacher

(That is the name of a weight loss club we have at school, so that is where I got the name of the Blog.)

And so it begins

Yes, I'm starting a new blog after some inspiration.  I've decided that it is time to get my weight under control again.  About 8 or 9 years ago, I joined WW, and had some great results.  I lost about 35 pounds and was really happy.  Then I met my husband, got married, and of course, gained a few pounds.  Then I started fertility treatments.  The fertility treatments, along with my tendency to stress eat, packed on a good 15+ pounds.  Then, I got pregnant (twice) and with both pregnancies, gained about 25 pounds (which I thought was pretty good considering).  After my William, I lost all but about 5 pounds, and after Mikey, I again lost all but 5  Then, came just regular life.  Busy, fast food, and more stress.  I am now only 12 measly pounds away from gaining all that I took off when I was doing WW.  I'm 203.7.  I disgust myself and no longer want to be this weight.  So, I am seriously going to try to lose.  My first goal is to lose 15 pounds.  Yes, that is my first mini-goal.  15 pounds.  I figure 15 pounds would put me almost to where I was before I started my fertility treatments.  It is going to be a lot harder to lose this time around, because last time it was only me.  No husband and no kids.  I could do whatever I wanted after work and didn't have to worry about cooking meals for more than 1 person.  When I lost the weight before, I lived off TV dinners.  I guess we will see how things go, but I am really going to try hard this time.  I'm not sure how I am going to fit in working out, but I will have to add exercise at some point if I really truly want to lose weight.  My real goal is 170.  I hope to get there by the end of the school year.